Boundaries, we don't need no stinkin boundaries. Or do we?

Bad blind date, bad, bad.

I have learned yet again that I need direction with respect to dating and boundaries.

Let's play a game. Appropriate or inappropriate.

First date behavior.

The guy says" let's just get Indian food, go to your house, watch the movie I need to watch for work and fool around."
a) appropriate
b) inappropriate

The guy says "I'm not going to shower for the date, I look fine."
a) appropriate
b) inappropriate

The guy has his hand on your leg 2 minutes after meeting him for the first time face to face
a) appropriate
b) inappropriate

The guy says "I'm going to let you take me out."
a) appropriate
b) inappropriate

In one of the first conversations you ever have with him he asks "so do you shave or do you wax?"
a) appropriate
b) inappropriate

Another conversation he asks "can you lick your own nipple?"
a) appropriate
b)inappropriate

The girl engages in conversation with the guy about her sexual preferences. Trying to explain to him how she likes to be touched.
a) appropriate
b) inappropriate

The boy asks if she likes anal sex.
a)appropriate
b)inappropriate

She says no, not interested does not want to talk to him about it. He says "that's because you've never done it with me." "You've got to do it with someone who knows how to work with your rhythm."
"I"ll never do it she says. I don't want to talk about it either." She asks "do you want me to strap a dildo on and fuck you up the ass?" she asks, thinking surely if he's so into it, he might enjoy it. Guess what, he isn't.

Back to the game:

The girl agrees to the guy's request to get out of this bar 10 minutes after meeting, to go get Indian food and watch the movie at her place
a) appropriate
b) inappropriate

The girl tries to feel at ease with the guy as he rubs her and puts her hand on his hard dick.
a) appropriate
b) inappropriate

The girl is screaming inside as he says to her "please just kiss it, I want to see your lips on it."
a) appropriate
b) inappropriate

The girl refuses to do so but jerks him off anyway.
a) appropriate
b) inappropriate

He says "you look so angry." She is. She is furious but can't begin to explain why. Cannot open her mouth and say I am not okay with this. This is not what a first date means to me. She just shrugs her shoulders and tries to be cool. She asks him to leave at 11:00. He seems surprised.
He expected to stay all night?

He never calls again. She's wondering, did I do something wrong? Could I be different and have played along, could I have cut off the part of myself that wasn't happy and ended up having a happy date? So much confusion, sadness and shame. That is not what I want. There are men who will take time to get to know me right? RIGHT?! It's almost like it seems to much to ask these days. The gift of time. The gift of letting a relationship grow. The gift of coming together sexually being an expression of something deeper than mere physical satisfaction.
Appropriate or inappropriate? Possible or impossible? Reality or for now, dream.