I loved a frog once

When I was a little girl I had a stuffed green frog. He was about 8", green and very portable. I was extremely attached to the frog and would take him out in the world with me. One winter my family went to Colorado to go skiing and I brought the frog. I even insisted the stewardess address him whenever she addressed me. Life was good. I loved my frog.

Following a great week on the slopes, my family was making the long drive from Snowmass back to the Grand Junction airport when, like a bolt of lightning, I realized I didn't have my frog. I lost it. I screamed, cried, wailed, tore through my carry on bag and begged my parents to turn around. I was utterly inconsolable. It was as though my best friend had just died and I could not contain my grief.

Sympathetic, but unable to oblige my requests, my parents pressed on and I proceeded cry the whole way home through the flight, through baggage claim, through greeting the family dog and into my room where I rolled around on my bed as the agony continued.

At some point, later that night, I opened my suitcase and inside I found the frog. I was shocked, I had no recollection of packing it and there it was. I picked it up, looked at it, expected to be happy, overjoyed and relieved and all I felt was numb.
Something inside me had died and now I felt revulsion. I searched it's face, trying to find what I found so attractive about it. I tried to be happy, to play with it, to hug it but it was over. It was a strange sensation, knowing that minutes prior, I was a mess screaming for this thing and here it was, in my hands again and I was unable to feel happy about the reunion.

I don't know if I cried him out of my system or if I just saw him for what he was: a stuffed frog, but the love was gone. In it's place was revulsion. I found I didn't even want to see or handle the toy after that. He was dead to me.

The story popped into my head the other day when I saw a young girl having a tantrum in a store. She wanted a stuffed toy and was beside herself not to get it. I judged her for a moment when the memory came back to me and I felt sad. I can hardly believe that I was that young once. That there was a time in my life where a stuffed animal was the most important thing in my life. I wonder if I will ever feel that way about finding my life mate.