Happy New Year

Happy New Year.
Happy new opportunity to start writing again.
Happy inspiration from icky situation.
A conversation today with a man who is pining over a lady he broke up with but now says he loves. The problem as he sees it is she is not pretty enough. She is not classy enough, she is a great lover, makes him feel cared for and safe but he is stuck in his perception of other people's opinions of him for being with her.

Hearing that bleak thought process from a man is my worst nightmare confirmed; the painful and stark truth that how a man feels with me or about me may not be enough for him to choose me. It is the confirmation of all the fears my father instilled in me and which I did not want to believe were true. Men can be so shallow. Not that women can't be too but I'd like to think that once we go as far as taking them to bed, making them a lover and nesting with them in our home, we have overcome whatever initial shallow judgements there might have been in favor of the presence of a good thing. Maybe not.

All I know is that hearing that, I just wanted to shake him and say FUCK YOU!

It brings me back to the question I have been asking my whole life: Why is it that the thing everybody wants, needs and deserves is so difficult to find and maintain? The answer that comes to mind is a spiritual principle that has been described to me. Essentially, when a great amount of light is released or about to be released, an equal and opposite show of darkness or negativity will rise up to stop it. Love, being the most powerful force in the universe, will kick up a lot of darkness to try and negate it. In this culture, I think the darkness has it pretty easy, all you need is an excuse of lopsided ears, a nervous twitch or a muffin top and you're out!

I think it is the deep responsibility of those who say they are looking for love to be mindful of this and acknowledge it but be determined not to let it derail your happiness. Beauty is skin deep but a true heart radiates to infinity.
Choose love. Choose peace.